I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
