Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize