Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
