she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
