Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
