I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
