$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize