Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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