is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
