you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
