i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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