Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
