Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
