I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
