NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
