you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
