just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
