how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
