oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
