You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
