Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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