Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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