I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
How's work?
Spinning.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
