You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize