I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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