i barfeds in our rink
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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