Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
