Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
