Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
