Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
