Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
