I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
