You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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