perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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