I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
