Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize