Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
