I am puke
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
