i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
