She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
