if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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