WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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