I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
