I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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