I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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