Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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