I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
