if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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