I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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