My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
