I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
