thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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