my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
