If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
