just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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