Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
