wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
