Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
