I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
