I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
