I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
