hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
