i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
