3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
