You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
