I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
