my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
