Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize