2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
