hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
