Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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