So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
