Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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