Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
