sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
