pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
