he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
