what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
