i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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