I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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