I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize