I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
