I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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