There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
