Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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