Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
