She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize