The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
