Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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