had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
