She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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