i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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