I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
