I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have aggressive nipples.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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