Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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