i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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