I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am available for nakedness
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
