I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
