FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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