don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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