Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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