Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize