We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
