that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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