So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
