So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
