Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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