I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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