We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
