Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she smelled like a LAN party
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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