The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
